I can 't believe we're into June now. I suppose I should start thinking about the 3 year old birthday party. I can 't believe I'm thinking about a 3 year party!! Where is time going?
Last week was a terrible week for me. I have some ideas about what was behind it, and I also know what was compounding it: the boys. I think they are getting to the point where they don't need a nap. What? I know! It's crazy nuts! I really don't think they took 2 naps last week. Well, traditional naps anyway. On the days where they just tore their room up for 2 hours at a time (which includes taking all the folded clothes out of the dresser), they would later fall asleep on the couch. Which was cute and all until Travis peed on the couch!! Yes. And for those of you who visit our house, please don't be afraid to sit on the couch. It's been cleaned up. But anyway, on the days where they didn't take nap they did really well in the afternoon and evening. That really suprised me. But I'm not ready to give up the nap time because that is important time for me and I'm not ready to give it up. I feel a little scared because I don't know what I would do with them for the whole day if they're awake. I think I will bore them and then they'll get out of control and then I'll get out of control and it's a crazy cycle. I'm not sure if I can be a mom with out nap time. And you can forget "rest time" because what they do while they are supposed to be napping is far from restful! But I'm not sure if I can be a mom all day long. I don't know if many people can understand that. I'm just afraid that they'll not like me. They will get bored, I don't know what to do and we'll just sit in front of the TV. It's weird, I know. And it's not that I don't enjoy spending time with them because I certainly do. I'm just not sure if I have the skills to keep 2 three year olds entertained!
So let me tell you what "nap" time has looked like for the boys lately. I put them down about 12:30 pm. They kiss me good night and it looks good...for about 20 seconds. Then the first thump. It's nothing to be alarmed about, it's only one of them jumping off their bed onto the floor. Hopefully it stops there. But then another thump. Now we're both jumping and then competition has begun. How far out from your bed can you jump? They take the next few minutes to find out. Then up comes Mommy to put an end to the horsing around. I give out threats of loosing toys and spankings. They settle down again. Ah, out the door, two boys in beds and I'm off to take a shower. Until I get downstairs and I hear "there's Doc Travis!" It doesn't take me long to figure out that they are now in their drawers pulling out all the folded clothes and throwing them around the room. I go back up, take their cars they sleep with, make them clean up the clothes and give spankings as I promised before. All the sudden it seems like I can't spank them hard enough because they're laughing. Out I go again. Frustrated and out of consequenses. I get downstairs and decide to wait on the shower until I know they are asleep. Next I hear Baby Tad singing songs to them and Elmo chiming in behind. So, I give it a few minutes because I'm in no shape to go up there right now. I cool off and then go in and take every toy, every book, every thing I think they can possibly play with out of the room. Put them back in bed, no spankings because they're obviously not working, and head back downstairs. I sit down to relax and pray that they will go to sleep. Of course, it doesn't happen. I go back upstairs and they are both sitting on top of the dresser putting lotion on each other and calling each other "baby". "Let me hold you baby", "Come here baby", "I don't want to be the baby". It was actually funny, but totally not funny all at the same time. So I finally give up on the nap attempts and let them come downstairs to play. It wasn't like that every day, just 3 out of 5. I did try putting them down later thinking we could just push the naps back not get rid of them altogether and that didn't work either. Of course over the weekend while Jason was home they took a nap, no problem. Jason goes to work on Monday and they don't take a nap. On the days when they don't take a nap, they typically fall asleep watching "Bob the Builder" about 3:45 in the afternoon (see picture above). Then try to wake them up. It's not pretty and I know they get that directly from me! But we can't let them sleep long, it's too late for a long nap! So, that's what the new nap schedule looks like.
The hardest part is trying not to completely loose it because they don't do what I want them to do. Most people developed a "picture" of what God looked like based on the way their parents were when they were young. I don't know that I did that, but I understand that a lot of people did. So it dawned on me today...what kind of picture am I creating in their heads of God? Isn't it my responsibility as a parent to give them a true picture of what God the Father looks like? I need to make some changes. I know I'll never be perfect in this life, but there are certainly things I can change in order to give these boys a clearer picture of what unconditional love and never ending grace and mercy look like.
Lord I know I am not able to make these changes by myself. Please do a work in me. Only you can. Show me how to be the parent that you created me to be. Let your love and mercy poor out of me all over these boys. Give me wisdom and knowledge for the situations I encounter with them during the day. Let me know react harshly but help me to know that you are with me. You are Emmanuel, God With Us all the time, even when I'm blowing it with them. Help me to remember that your Spirit lives in me. I need you Lord.
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